Forum.RttP{American electoral process explained}

From a poster at dragonsfoot.org:

The mighty warlords of demopublistan and republocratica mount their steam-driven battle-titans, firing centrifugal force cannons at each other, propelling catapult-bomblets in an attempt to breach the armor and allow the precious phlogiston-heat, created by burning copious amounts of amber wrested from the hills of distant conquered Cathay, to seep out.

This epic match lasts for nine months, and it is written in the Constitution (the current one, punched into flexible bronze and run through the great Difference Engine that sits, whirling and calculating twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, three hundred and sixty five days a year in the metal walls of the human-free Mechopolis of New Washington DC, built on the ruins of the namesake city after the explosion of CLIN-TON during its controllers' epic battle with BOBDOLE), that any children born in the Republic during this time are thrown into the boiler-fires (the choice of which party is selected by the father of the lucky tyke - this serves the dual purpose of establishing the primacy of the White Male race as the superior, and also keeps the population low. If the father cannot be located, the mother is given a soothing dose of opium syrup and a local constable acts appropriately).

Of course the titanic battles do lay waste to massive sections of the Republic, leaving them bare and uninhabitable. This is why we currently have the states of Ohio and South Dakota.

Once the match is finished and a single Battle-titan stands, battered, nearly wrecked, leaking dangerous, poison curie-rays from its weird boiler fires, the surviving crew-members of this epic iron engine of war then do battles in the girders and flues and service-chambers until only one engineer remains, having cracked the skulls of and consumed the brains of his opponents.

That man is then declared president, and supporters of the opposite political party are ritually eaten alive in a sixty-six night orgy of violent pogroms as these United States of America celebrate the installation of a new leader.

Trivia: The so-called Statue of Liberty was in fact an attempt by suffragettes to win the throne of the Nation for themselves; fortunately this imposture was immediately disqualified as it was noted that it was built by the low races of France and Italy and - most offensive of all - Ireland. However later examination revealed (after the summary execution of the female types who had attempted such an egregious breach of peace) that, due to their womanly brains, they had failed to fit the massive copper structure with any driving-gears or motivation-pistons, and it was, in fact, a simple alloy shell. It stands today in New York Harbor as a warning to those who would stand in the way of our proud electoral system.

NOTE:

All facts checked through Wikipedia.

I think this pretty well sums it up. Your thoughts?