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returntothepit >> discuss >> Farting and relationships by Milton on Apr 15,2008 11:47am
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toggletoggle post by Milton at Apr 15,2008 11:47am
In your current or most recent relationship, who broke the farting barrier first and how soon?



toggletoggle post by ouchdrummer   at Apr 15,2008 12:03pm
I did. And not because i was real comfortable with her or anything, it was because we had to run to catch a train and on the last step onto the train it just came out. Long, loud, and smelly. Unfortunately it was about 5 minutes before we could get off the train and just about everyone on the train heard me do it, and did not enjoy it.



toggletoggle post by dreadkill  at Apr 15,2008 12:07pm
hahahaa, i was just talking about this the other day. i broke the farting barrier after a long time. i used ot wait until she had to leave the room, then i would fart. or i would wait until i had ot use the bathroom and then i would fart. one day i was so sick of it and the gas really needed an exit, so i farted. now i fart in front of her all the time. lucky for her, most of my farts don't really smell. unfortunately for her, the gas i had on saturday night smelled pretty bad. my room smelled like roasted farts.



toggletoggle post by SacreligionNLI at Apr 15,2008 12:16pm
what is this gas you speak of? i know not what you are talking about.



toggletoggle post by Yeti at Apr 15,2008 12:42pm
in my previous relationship, she broke the barrier. it was one of the hottest things i've ever seen. she was sitting there completely naked saying "i'm gonna do it".



toggletoggle post by SacreligionNLI at Apr 15,2008 12:44pm
hmmm...the search isn't working. what was that brazilian girls farting website again?



toggletoggle post by SkinSandwich at Apr 15,2008 12:59pm edited Apr 15,2008 1:00pm
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=eb8972d2f4

HHHMMMMMMMUUUMMMMMMPHMMMM!!



toggletoggle post by aril at Apr 15,2008 1:03pm
first night I met. farted ON her.



toggletoggle post by metal_church101  at Apr 15,2008 1:06pm
I can remember one girl I was seeing who would fart during her sleep. To me, that broke the barrier, so I would let them rip when she was awake.



toggletoggle post by Grizloch   at Apr 15,2008 1:18pm
I was 69ing with my girl a few months ago under the covers as it was cold, she let one go on my face, due to the angle and spread-ed-ness of her legs it wasnt particularly loud or long, more of a fffffff, I dont know if she realized that I had noticed, as Im a trooper and continued giving her oral pleasure, but as soon as it had processed in my mind I moved the covers off of my head which was probably a pretty good indication

ever since then I feel that my farting is fair game under any circumstances



toggletoggle post by ConquerTheBaphomet  at Apr 15,2008 1:20pm
I did. A couple months into the relationship I suppose.



toggletoggle post by corpus_colostomy at Apr 15,2008 1:27pm
my girl and i sabbotage one another sometimes whilst spooning.



toggletoggle post by the_reverend   at Apr 15,2008 1:29pm
crop dusting?



toggletoggle post by the_reverend   at Apr 15,2008 1:34pm
someone just sent me this:

Have any of you tried this before?

1. Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.
2. Then you open the trunk, you will see who's happy to see you.

P.S.: This is just a Joke! Do not EVER lock your DOG in the trunk of your car!!!!



toggletoggle post by xmikex at Apr 15,2008 1:41pm

Muscle milk broke the farting barrier for me.



toggletoggle post by the_reverend   at Apr 15,2008 1:42pm edited Apr 15,2008 1:42pm
mothers aren't well known for their muscles...



toggletoggle post by largefreakatzero at Apr 15,2008 1:58pm
the_reverend said[orig][quote]
someone just sent me this:

Have any of you tried this before?

1. Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.
2. Then you open the trunk, you will see who's happy to see you.

P.S.: This is just a Joke! Do not EVER lock your DOG in the trunk of your car!!!!


That is fucking wonderful.



toggletoggle post by FuckIsMySignature at Apr 15,2008 3:48pm
strategic gas release is an enduring hobby of mine.



toggletoggle post by bradmann   at Apr 15,2008 5:51pm
oh man, i broke the barrier so quick. fuck, i think i broke it before we even started dating.

i farted on her once in my sleep.



toggletoggle post by RichHorror  at Apr 15,2008 5:52pm
I definitely fart on the first date.



toggletoggle post by corpus_colostomy at Apr 15,2008 6:00pm
after that youtube vid i saw of you with the purple dong...
i surmise you can hardly tell when you have actually farted.



toggletoggle post by RichHorror  at Apr 15,2008 6:02pm
Yeah, I obviously do that everday of my life. Stop hitting on me.



toggletoggle post by fat ass at Apr 15,2008 7:14pm
I always fart right after I fuck a guy for the first time.
You know, classy like.



toggletoggle post by the_reverend   at Apr 15,2008 7:21pm
when they don't fart it comes out as bitching.



toggletoggle post by FuckIsMySignature at Apr 15,2008 7:28pm
i fart in your genaralllll direction



toggletoggle post by AfterWorldObliteration   at Apr 15,2008 8:12pm
i broke the barrier when we were making out on the ground. then i got my dick sucked by a 14 year old. apparently my chicka's bro does it all the time so it was dank.



toggletoggle post by archaeon at Apr 15,2008 8:16pm
oh john lucci



toggletoggle post by Conservationist  at Apr 15,2008 10:05pm
Any woman who wants to get between me and my rancid flatulence is not relationship material!



toggletoggle post by ellesarusrex  at Apr 15,2008 10:26pm
i rarely fart and burp.. i wish this was something i was capable of doing. i tried to have a burping competition once. and i was mutilated by a blond half my size. booooooooooo



toggletoggle post by ZJD   at Apr 15,2008 10:28pm
There was never a barrier. The first time I really needed to fart when we were together I did and from that point on I had no case for her not farting, plus farts are funny and we like to laugh.



toggletoggle post by the_reverend   at Apr 15,2008 10:31pm
there is nothing worse than dog farts.
nothing funny about them AT ALL



toggletoggle post by Martins   at Apr 15,2008 10:37pm
My exbitch used to fart all the time and was proud of it. While I'm a man who revels in his farts, she was ridiculous. Let's not get started on queefs (sp?) either.

the_reverend said[orig][quote]
there is nothing worse than dog farts.
nothing funny about them AT ALL

Truthiest truth every told. My dog has dropped some motherfucking BOMBSSSSSSS.




toggletoggle post by Yeti at Apr 16,2008 10:42am
Martins said[orig][quote]
Let's not get started on queefs (sp?) either.


my ex was insanely good at queefing.



toggletoggle post by ouchdrummer   at Apr 16,2008 10:58am
Yeti said[orig][quote]
Martins said[orig][quote]
Let's not get started on queefs (sp?) either.


my ex was insanely good at queefing.


I knew a really hot little mexican girl that would lie on the ground, put her legs behind her head, pull air in thru her vadge (it sounded like slurping on a straw) then shoot it out at like 50 miles an hour. It was loud, lewd, and really sexy.



toggletoggle post by Bobby Bacala at Apr 16,2008 3:22pm
female posters chime in on this subject



toggletoggle post by Yeti at Apr 16,2008 3:24pm
hahahaha that is exactly how she would do it. she could do it standing up, sitting down, didn't matter. she had really strong vagina muscles.



toggletoggle post by Sacreligion at Apr 16,2008 3:26pm
those are some good kegels



toggletoggle post by ouchdrummer   at Apr 16,2008 3:32pm
well unless your ex is little, cute, mexican, and lives in needham, then obviously there are more girls that can do that than previously believed.



toggletoggle post by Money Mark at Apr 23,2008 3:17pm
Farting = love



toggletoggle post by the_reverend   at Apr 23,2008 4:08pm
I just farted in my cube.



toggletoggle post by Yeti at Apr 24,2008 10:44am
i just farted about 1000 times in my cube.



toggletoggle post by Farting Police at Aug 21,2008 3:08pm
Yeti what happens when someone comes into your cube after you've filled it up with stinky farts?



toggletoggle post by Yeti at Aug 21,2008 3:15pm
they have no choice but to love it.



toggletoggle post by metal_church101  at Aug 21,2008 3:27pm
I can never hold a straight face when I fart. Especially in the office. I am too proud of my own work.



toggletoggle post by MattBreen at Aug 21,2008 3:29pm
I've been with my girl for a while and she is still in no way allowed to fart. Strictly forbidden.



toggletoggle post by MattBreen at Aug 21,2008 3:30pm
Grizloch said[orig][quote]
I was 69ing with my girl a few months ago under the covers as it was cold, she let one go on my face, due to the angle and spread-ed-ness of her legs it wasnt particularly loud or long, more of a fffffff, I dont know if she realized that I had noticed, as Im a trooper and continued giving her oral pleasure, but as soon as it had processed in my mind I moved the covers off of my head which was probably a pretty good indication

ever since then I feel that my farting is fair game under any circumstances

ah thats brutal reading it i felt like i actually expierenced it.



toggletoggle post by Yeti at Aug 21,2008 3:33pm
forbidden? wow. in my previous relationship, farting brought us closer.



toggletoggle post by MattBreen at Aug 21,2008 3:34pm
I run a tight ship



toggletoggle post by Lamp nli at Aug 21,2008 6:11pm
I don't remember who broke the barrier in my current relationship, all I know is the number of times we fart in each others presence now must be a dougle digit number. There was one time we were driving back from Rhode Island and had pretty much been up all night. After stopping to let her take the wheel somewhere in Virginia, I went to fall asleep in the passenger seat of the car. At some point I let out a huge, swampy fart that stunk up the car like rotting dead animals. I desire to reach that level of heinousness again.



toggletoggle post by Conservationist  at Aug 21,2008 9:15pm
I have spent most of my adult life hiding my flatulence from significant others. All I can say is that having candles and Carcass on the stereo can obscure some intensely intestinal events.



toggletoggle post by Micro Machine Man at Jan 2,2009 2:41pm
this fat twat couldn't be more right


bennyhillifier



toggletoggle post by The-Rooster at Jan 2,2009 3:00pm
If I just started dating someone, I try to wait a couple months before letting one go in front of a lady.

Now... I've been with the same girl for 5 years, so I fart whenever I need to (abnormally frequent, if you ask me). She just laughs. That's how I know she's a keeper.



toggletoggle post by not of this earth at Jan 2,2009 3:24pm
it has been my experience....the way to a womans heart is to pinch their nose in your ass crack while their sleeping and rip a budlight/taco bell induced beer fart until she wakes........worked for me......you buy that right?



toggletoggle post by Yeti at Jan 2,2009 3:25pm
my ex used to dutch oven me all the time.



toggletoggle post by o rly??? at Jan 2,2009 5:34pm
pics or it didn't happen



toggletoggle post by Conservationist  at Jan 2,2009 10:52pm



toggletoggle post by boblovesmusic   at Jan 3,2009 1:01am
Now the question isn't when to break the farting barrier, but when to break the "use the bathroom together" barrier?



toggletoggle post by under-tec at Jan 21,2009 11:15pm



http://www.under-tec.com


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I am a clinical psychologist in private practice and it has been tremendously embarrassing when I pass gas while working; often with little or no control. The most embarrassing moment of my working career was when a client said,"It smells like sewage in here!" My professionalism melted when I admitted to the client that my gas was the cause of the smell.

My devoted husband of 30 years had also struggled with sleeping in the same bed with me, and it would sometimes interfere with our intimacy. My children could laugh at it, but would leave the room. I noticed an increase in my symptoms when I was embarrassed about the foul smelling gas.

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For the past 5 years, I have worn these underwear when I've had an acute Crohns attack with complete security. There has been no trace of bad gas odors. My social anxiety and embarrassment has been eliminated. In fact, I noticed I pass less gas when I wear the underwear, because I am calm, secure, and comfortable.






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toggletoggle post by Dusky T. at Feb 18,2009 7:44am



toggletoggle post by thetruthaboutmuffdivers at Jan 12,2010 3:41pm
ouchdrummer said[orig][quote]
I did. And not because i was real comfortable with her or anything, it was because we had to run to catch a train and on the last step onto the train it just came out. Long, loud, and smelly. Unfortunately it was about 5 minutes before we could get off the train and just about everyone on the train heard me do it, and did not enjoy it.


Picturing the scowls of disapproval on the faces of your girl and the other train riders absolutely makes this story.



toggletoggle post by mister methane at Nov 11,2010 3:32pm
not%20of%20this%20earth said[orig][quote]
it has been my experience....the way to a womans heart is to pinch their nose in your ass crack while their sleeping and rip a budlight/taco bell induced beer fart until she wakes.


Truth.



toggletoggle post by randy's marsh at Nov 11,2010 4:21pm
fart all over em.



toggletoggle post by the_reverend   at Nov 11,2010 5:44pm
I think the nose picking issue is the better question



toggletoggle post by Lamp nli at Nov 11,2010 7:39pm
The true test in a relationship is buying tampons for a lady. Let's just say I definitely went through the self-checkout line that night.



toggletoggle post by amorok666 at Nov 11,2010 10:31pm
I fart way too often to bother hiding it or care.



toggletoggle post by SkinSandwich at Nov 12,2010 9:08am
Lamp%20nli said[orig][quote]
The true test in a relationship is buying tampons for a lady. Let's just say I definitely went through the self-checkout line that night.


Why this would bother any dude is beyond me. If the cashier thinks they are for me they are extremely retarded.



toggletoggle post by posbleak   at Nov 12,2010 10:17am
SkinSandwich said[orig][quote]
Why this would bother any dude is beyond me. If the cashier thinks they are for me they are extremely retarded.


You could be plugging a nosebleed or a bullet hole for all they know.,

My boyfriend vomited on the first date (still haven't figured out if it was me or the movie theater hot dogs) so the fart barrier was shattered shortly after. Better out than in.



toggletoggle post by MetalThursday  at Dec 10,2010 7:48am
Bump for Yeti



toggletoggle post by punk potenza at Dec 10,2010 12:26pm
the_reverend said[orig][quote]
there is nothing worse than dog farts.
nothing funny about them AT ALL


no shit my boston terrier/chiuwauwa's ass is fuckin brutal not fun. smells like burnt latex sometimes.



toggletoggle post by boblovesfarting at Jul 12,2011 1:03pm
boblovesmusic said[orig][quote]
Now the question isn't when to break the farting barrier, but when to break the "use the bathroom together" barrier?


both broken!



toggletoggle post by Yeti at Jul 12,2011 1:04pm
MetalThursday said[orig][quote]
Bump for Yeti


i have no idea why this was bumped for me in 2010, but sweet nonetheless. the gas flows like wine.



toggletoggle post by aaron_michael  at Jul 12,2011 2:09pm
aril said[orig][quote]
first night I met. farted ON her.


Kinda the same for me. I told her I had a secret and then turned around and ran at her.

Fair game though since she burps in my face. Bitch.



toggletoggle post by MetalThursday  at Jul 12,2011 2:23pm
Yeti said[orig][quote]
MetalThursday said[orig][quote]
Bump for Yeti


i have no idea why this was bumped for me in 2010, but sweet nonetheless. the gas flows like wine.


Hahaha... I think we were talking about a phantom farter at MT the night before and I brought up Jim's hilarious train catching story from this thread & told you I'd bump it to remind you.



toggletoggle post by Alx_Casket  at Jul 12,2011 2:38pm
only doing a 180 during sex and farting up her vag is alx'ing the situation.



toggletoggle post by Yeti at Jul 12,2011 3:20pm
MetalThursday said[orig][quote]
Yeti said[orig][quote]
MetalThursday said[orig][quote]
Bump for Yeti


i have no idea why this was bumped for me in 2010, but sweet nonetheless. the gas flows like wine.


Hahaha... I think we were talking about a phantom farter at MT the night before and I brought up Jim's hilarious train catching story from this thread & told you I'd bump it to remind you.


hahahaha i see, that was definitely a worthy bump.



toggletoggle post by autofellatio at Jul 12,2011 10:39pm
definitely me. i farted at dinner with her parents the first time i met them too.



toggletoggle post by farting gannoosh at Mar 6,2012 3:27pm
bump



toggletoggle post by Yeti at Mar 6,2012 3:34pm
didn't the phantom MT farter turn out to be Samantha? or Hilarie?



toggletoggle post by MetalThursday  at Mar 6,2012 8:13pm
It was probably Sam. Her brand is comparable to a musty, moldy basement. I can easily bust her now. As far as I know I've yet to be bombed by Hillarie, but I don't go in that back corner just in case.



toggletoggle post by Samantha at Mar 8,2012 8:50pm
Damn it, Chris! You're not supposed to tell everyone about my secret biological warfare project.



toggletoggle post by angel dusted at Mar 20,2012 12:53pm
dreadkill said[orig][quote]
hahahaa, i was just talking about this the other day. i broke the farting barrier after a long time. i used ot wait until she had to leave the room, then i would fart. or i would wait until i had ot use the bathroom and then i would fart. one day i was so sick of it and the gas really needed an exit, so i farted. now i fart in front of her all the time. lucky for her, most of my farts don't really smell. unfortunately for her, the gas i had on saturday night smelled pretty bad. my room smelled like roasted farts.


roasted farts? how exactly does one roast a fart? what makes it smell different than an unroasted fart?



toggletoggle post by chester fried at Apr 11,2012 3:14pm
don't they sell roasted farts at kelly's roast beef?



toggletoggle post by trioxin245nli at Apr 11,2012 4:31pm
AfterWorldObliteration said[orig][quote]
i broke the barrier when we were making out on the ground. then i got my dick sucked by a 14 year old. apparently my chicka's bro does it all the time so it was dank.





toggletoggle post by ancient_master  at May 7,2012 3:44pm
Original sin explained. The first fart. Before Noah entered The Ark.

Noah and his family were a bit cramped in The Ark.

The worst thing about being on Noah's Ark was the prohibition on farting.

And the penalty for farting on Noah's Ark is???

Hear the author reading the story on You Tube.

Elephants are good.
The perils of flatulence.
Adam and Eve. He started the problems.

Noah's Ark. Hell if you dont like your companions.

There are times and places for every activity. An action, that might be considered natural and appropriate in the middle of a field, is totally unacceptable when engaged in under the bedclothes, when one is in company with a totally demure wife. It is considered to be inexplicable when the totally demure wife is engaging in the socially tabooed activity herself. But that is all bye the way, and not related to the story I am about to tell.


The activity that this spellbinding tale is spun round is the expulsion of gas from the rear end exit from the body. This exhalation of methane is known as farting. It has been a constant biological provocation to the frictions that bedevil all marriages ever since Adam farted under the marital bed of leaves, thus sending Eve off on a sulky walk round the garden, where she met the serpent, and engaged in a conversation, the results of which we have all being paying for ever since.


However since there is little doubt about who the culprit was when one fart precipitated the fall of man, ( there were only two of them, and it definitely wasn’t her), We have to move on a bit in history to find the incident that prompted the line immortalised in the title of this, not overly erudite, story.

Most of you have probably heard of The Dead Sea Scrolls. These documents were found in a cave in Palestine around sixty years ago. They are currently housed in a museum in Jerusalem. The study of these documents has given historians, and theologians, some very valuable insights into how life was conducted in Palestine around the time of Christ, and in some centuries earlier.

I am not going to write about these scrolls here. No, in this tale I want to reveal to the world some information that came to me in my capacity of President of The Ancient Society of Secret Historians. And this revelation, which only I am privy to, comes from a document known as the even deader than The Dead sea Scrolls scroll, and it was found in a toilet that was excavated underneath The Temple of Solomon in Jerusalem in 1907.

The ancient parchment, that has the alternative name of The Solomon's Temple Toilet Toilet Roll, gives an account of a court martial that occurred on Noah’s Ark. It is written in Hebrew that predates the Jewish Babylonian exile, and may be considered to be the oldest extant evidence for the flood, and also only the second reference to farting in history. The first one is that unfortunate incident in Eden which I referred to earlier.

Rather than bore the reader with a direct translation of the ancient "toilet roll", I am going to summarise the story in modern language. I hope in this way to convey the sense of the heinousness of the offence, and the justifiable wrath of the victims, in a manner more suitable to the perception of the modern reader.

The incident took place around three months into the enforced voyage that Noah and his family had to take, when God decided to flood the entire globe, and destroy all his creation with the exception of the Noah family, and two of every kind of animal. All of these were cooped up together in a gigantic ship called The Ark. It took Noah 120 years to build his ship.

The human accommodation on this vessel was not exactly conducive to the promotion of domestic harmony. Ninety nine per cent of the ship was taken up by the various animals. In a tiny cabin at the very top of The Ark Noah, his wife, their three sons,(Ham, Shem, and Japheth) and their three wives, had to exist with nothing to amuse themselves, and with only a tiny little window to glance out of occasionally at a very watery world.


The worst thing about being on Noah's Ark was the prohibition on farting.

Bickering became the order of the day. Half the time Noah wasn’t talking to his wife, and neither of them were on terms with the sons' wives. As is often the case, when people become institutionalised by confinement, small things become inordinately important. For instance Ham's wife fell asleep in a corner that Mrs Noah considered to be her space. The row over that lasted at least two weeks.

The constant racket from all the animals did not exactly help to soothe frayed nerves either. The trumpeting of elephants, the roaring of lions, the laughing of hyenas, and the constant squawking of the various birds, meant that sleep could only be taken in snatches.

To top their misery, the absolute prohibition on any type of farting, meant that their confinement together became a kind of nightmare.

This ban on flatulence had been in force since the time of Adam and Eve. Since farting had led to the expulsion from The Garden of Eden, it was considered to be the most dammnable of all sins. It wasn’t such a problem prior to The Flood. If someone really needed to let rip, they could always go out into the fields to do so. God would know, and it would still be a sin. But at least no other human would be offended by the abomination.

In the tiny cabin on The Ark it was a different story. No wide open spaces here to dissipate the offending gasses.

And everyone would hear.

So what we had here was a situation where eight people, who didn’t really get on, were confined together in a tiny cabin at the top of a ship packed with representatives of every animal on the planet; and there was little immediate prospect of them getting to enjoy the wide open spaces, or let rip in the middle of a field, like they had been accustomed to do all their lives.

You see the problem was that though they had been farting all their lives, it was always only when they were unobserved. If asked, none of them would ever admit to the heinous solecism. Now privacy was unobtainable.

Noah, his wife, their sons, and their wives, were reduced to standing sullenly in the corners of their tiny prison, afraid almost to move, lest the movement might force an evacuation of the gasses that were churning uncomfortably around in their respective intestines.

It was a potentially explosive situation.

The cleverest among the sons of Noah was Japheth. He was the kind of boy that would fall down crying, when his mother was in sight, and then pretend that Shem or Ham had pushed him. Of course Mrs Noah would give him a sweet, and clout the other two puzzled siblings around the head for "Bullying their poor little brother". He was a sneaky little brat, and he got away with that one for years. The result was that the two other kids resented him, and they held the grudge for decades, and were only longing for the opportunity to exact revenge.

So while the rest of the family were clenching their cheeks resolutely, lest a sudden judder in The Ark might drive them into sin, while praying that God might send His angel to advise them that the prohibition was temporarily lifted, Japheth was devising a cunning plan.

He had noted the trumpeting of the elephants, which was the loudest sound to be heard on the ship. The sneaky sod only decided to wait until the pachyderms bellowed again, and then to loosen his cheeks at the same time. He guessed that the sounds of the trumpeting would more than mask any sound that his rear end might produce.


And the penalty for farting on Noah's Ark is???

He got away with it a few times. Ham and Shem suspected that he was up to something, when a relieved grin started to spread across their brother's face, instead of the clenched grimaces that adorned the visages of the rest of The Ark's crew. But they weren’t absolutely sure. They did note that the smile seemed to coincide with the trumpeting of the elephants. But that was not absolutely conclusive.

What ruined it for the malefactor was the smell.

Anyone who has studied the nature of flatulence can tell you that you can't predict which one you release into the atmosphere will be the smelly one. People have frequently stood in the presence of royalty, while slipping silent ones into the atmosphere unobserved, because they were without odour. But then, without warning, a real stinker can worm it's way out, and social disgrace can dog the rest of the unfortunate farter’s earthly existence.

This is exactly what happened to the cocky son of the great patriarch.

The elephants trumpeted.

Japheth farted.

Noah was the first to notice the awful smell.

As the head of the family, and a bone fide prophet of God, to boot, he uttered the immortal words.

"Who Farted? I Really Want to Know".

"He did"! Ham and Shem simultaneously shouted, while pointing their accusing fingers at their red faced brother.

"We must now have a court martial trial", Noah said.

"Can we stone him afterwards"? the two righteous brothers asked eagerly. (They really had it in for Japheth).

"No I have a much better idea", the wise old patriarch replied.

"O.K let's make the trial a quick one then".

So that is what they did. All the resentment that had built up over the years was vented on the head of, the once cocky, now shamefaced, Japheth.

With Ham and Shem as the jurors, (women didn’t count in those days), the verdict was a foregone conclusion.

"Guilty as charged".

The punishment that Noah handed down to his wayward offspring was to be confined with his friends, the elephants, for the rest of his sojourn on The Ark.

He considered that the proximity to these beasts, and their enormous intestinal eruptions, would cure him of the tendency to sin for the rest of his life.

But, if anyone had cared to observe closely the expression of the criminal as he was dumped with the elephants, they would have noticed a most curious thing.

Instead of the penitent expression that one would expect to see on the visage of a sentenced malefactor, there was a delighted grin spread all over the face of the younger son of the prophet.

For Japheth knew, that while the "Righteous Ones “were screwing their faces into a rictus of pain, and clenching their buttocks, in their efforts to avoid offending God, with a sin that The Creator wasn’t bothered about anyway,("Righteous Ones") all over the world are still jumping through the same hoops), he would be down in the hold with the elephants having a fartfest.

This true account never made it into the official bible. I sometimes think it is a pity that it did no



toggletoggle post by jo jo potatoes at Aug 16,2012 10:44am
roasted farts?



toggletoggle post by Milton at Oct 16,2012 11:34am
anyone got good new stories about this?



toggletoggle post by MetalThursday  at Jan 11,2013 11:56am
Apparently, I did last night... directly on her after passing out cuddling on the couch. I woke startled by her uncontrollable laughter. Not a bad way for it to happen I suppose.



toggletoggle post by Emeril at Mar 19,2014 2:58pm
Roasted farts! Kick it up a notch! BAM!



toggletoggle post by fart illegal alien at Mar 19,2014 5:34pm



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