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:	post by GEORGE ZIMMER at 2014-07-07 21:58:30

... ME, GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN’S WAREHOUSE. WHILE TRADING DOWN AT THE NEW HAVEN PIER FOR AFFORDABLE ARMANIS, I SPOTTED EZRA'S SUCCULENT SISTER SERVICING A SQUAD OF SIX SOMALI SAILORS. UNFAZED, I UNFASTENED MY ZIMMER ZIPPER AND UNLEASHED THE LEGENDARY LADYLOOSENER. SLAMMING MY SALACIOUS PLEASURE PONTOON ON THE DOCK, I ASSUMED A SUMO STANCE. WITH A HOARSELY HOLLERED HAKKEYOI, I ACHIEVED AROUSAL IN LESS TIME THAN YOU COULD SAY "BUT." AWED AT MY PRODIGIOUSLY PENDULOUS HEBREW HOLEREAMER, SHE LUNGED FOR MY LENGTHY LOVETACKLE. MISJUDGING THE DISTANCE TO MY MEAT MAST, SHE SLIPPED ON A SMEAR OF SOMALI SEMEN AND FELL FACE-FIRST INTO MY FAUSTIAN FALLOPIAN FLAYER, KNOCKING HERSELF OUT COLD. I SPRANG INTO ACTION. REVERSING MY SUMO STANCE AND CLENCHING MY CAPACIOUS COLON, I BLASTED A BREATHFUL OF THE FOULEST FALAFEL FARTS EVER TO FLECK A FACE WITH FECES STRAIGHT INTO THE TREMBLING TROLLOP'S NOSE. MY INGENIOUSLY IMPROVISED SULFUROUS SMELLING SALTS DID THE TRICK, AND SHE SERVICED MY ISRAELI INTESTINE INVADER UNTIL DAWN, WHEN I TURNED HER OUT TO MAKE CAB FARE. I GUARANTEE IT.

SUDDENLY, JUST WHEN I WAS I GUARANTEEING IT...

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